BlackLivesMatter

Recent Events

~ Kara Mills ~ 1 Comment

So, I usually use this blog to write about our crazy lives with lots of kids and residency schedules mixed in with full time work. Today, I feel like the least I can do is talk about recent events that have been happening. I challenge you to read on. With an open mind. Judge me, but wait until the end before doing so. Try to put yourself in others shoes.

Most everyone has heard about what happened to Ahmaud Arbery. He was the 25 year old black man who was murdered while JOGGING. You know one of the few activities we can still do during a pandemic because you can social distance while doing so. Here’s the deal, hubs goes for runs when he’s able. That could have been him. It’s no different, it really isn’t. I mean, he’s older, sure, but he’s a black man. That alone was the grounds they used when they called 9-1-1. “There’s a black male running down the street.”. You can hear the caller say that 15 seconds into the call. That could have been hubs. That could have been one of my sons. What about him being black makes it illegal or threatening? And, IN WHAT WORLD is it okay for a citizen to take matters into their own hands? You call the police and let them handle it. I mean, if someone drives up on me with a gun, I’m running too. If they attempt to fight me, you can believe I’m going to fight back. Especially if I’m out minding my own business. I’m just sayin’.

Here is where it hit home even more. I have anxiety. I have for years. It’s managed, but sure, during this time of pandemic and kids in the house non-stop, it’s worse than normal. I grew up never thinking twice that my dad would make it home fine or that my brother, in all of his shenanigans, would be okay. We shrugged off getting pulled over. It wasn’t a big deal. I woke up earlier this week and hubs was gone. I figured he went running, that’s not unusual for him to do if we’re all still sleeping and he has the day off. All that I could think of is that he was being hunted down by some lunatic who felt they were keeping the area “safe” because they saw a black man running. That is NOT fair.

We have to teach our boys how to talk to officers so that they do not become the next Philando Castile. They are not allowed to ever play with any kind of toy gun outside of our house because I cannot turn off and forget what happened to Tamir Rice. We have had to frequently talk to the boys about how to “behave in public” because we do not know if someone could feel “threatened” and take matters into their own hands like what happened to Trayvon Martin. I could go on and list dozens of other black men who were senselessly murdered because someone decided to fully embrace their racial bias.

It is not fair that wives and mothers have to worry that their family is at risk for doing activities many people take for granted in this country, the “land of the free and home of the brave”. Hubs fought for this country and loves this country, we both do. That is not full freedom if you cannot be outside without worrying that you may be targeted.

If you can change the channel and not think about what’s happening, that is called privilege. It’s a cushy place to be, there are never uncomfortable conversations you have to have with your family. You have the privilege of not having to worry about your family being hurt or killed because it doesn’t impact you directly. This is not to say that “All Lives Matter” is untrue. We’re all part of one human race, of course everyone matters. It’s not only Black Lives Matter. I am saying that for centuries black people were oppressed and treated in a subservient manner. It’s been that way for so long that people justify sickening behavior. For so long WE HAVE GONE ALONG WITH IT. We haven’t challenged it and and asked what if it was my son or husband on that tape getting shot by those two men? Wouldn’t that have been murder in broad daylight? Of course it is! We hear the popular comments, “oh, he must have been doing something” or “if he would have just listened”. Why is it okay for those men who shot Ahmaud to demand he comply? Because they’re white and he’s black? What if it were black men doing that to a white man? Or white men demanding a white man comply? What’s different about those other examples is that the dialog always gives the benefit of the doubt to the victim. In Ahmaud’s case, the benefit of the doubt is given to the murderers.

My opinions may be unpopular or not considered factual to everyone. Your opinion is your own, as is mine. But I can assure you, based on my family experiences, this is our reality. This is what we live. Every day. Pandemic or no pandemic. We have the opportunity to change the narrative so the next generation can focus on working together and being the best they could ever imagine. Doing great things for humanity.  Please, think of those around you and be brave in standing up against traditions and false information. Instead of continuing the cycle of hate, bigotry, and denial.

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When Will It End?

~ Kara Mills ~ Leave a comment

I don’t typically write controversial stuff. I woke up last night and checked my phone to see what time it was. I saw a bunch of news updates about the shootings in Dallas. Coupled with the recent shootings of civilians, my heart was heavy. I tried going back to sleep and couldn’t. So, I started typing.

I’m not sure if living in Minnesota makes it different. We’re closer to what has happened. If we lived in Maine or Montana, maybe it would be easier to say how unfortunate it was and what a crazy world we live in. But we live so close. So close that hubs was actually pulled over twice in a month in that same jurisdiction for minimal reasons. It hits very close to home. Proximity to the events shouldn’t matter, but I feel often it’s easier to just change a channel or turn off social media and pretend nothing terrible has happened. We have a problem. We as a country. Is it the culture of the police forces, the frustration of the black citizens? Where does it stop? How and when can we “start over”? I get that some were “justified” (rightly or not- I’m strictly speaking based on the findings of the legal system). But how, even when you do what you’re told, you still get shot. How can that help? How can we move past that? Are police trigger happy because they’re expecting the worst? Are black citizens on edge because they’re assuming they’re going to get shot and ultimately the energy becomes fatal?

It is not just about being confronted by police and getting shot. It starts before that. It’s about being singled out because of the pigment of your skin. About having a higher chance of getting pulled over because you aren’t as pasty white as me. Hubs was on his way to an ambulance ride along for school. He was dressed in business casual (not that it should even matter). It was early in the morning, still dark out. As he was nearing the hospital, he got pulled over for burnt out taillight. After a few preliminary questions, he was given a warning and left. A few weeks later, in that same jurisdiction, he was pulled over because a small part of the tag on the license plate was behind the license plate holder (apparently that’s a thing we weren’t aware of in MN). Why wasn’t it addressed in the first stop? Thank GOD the incidents were eventless. He was covered, lucky, blessed, whatever you want to call it- but he walked away.

I fear for him, my 3 boys and our countless friends and family. I have family and friends who are police officers, both black and white. I fear for them. I fear because I don’t assume the police will always shoot. I fear because nowadays a simple misunderstanding can take a life. Has it become a shoot now, ask questions later society? I’m not saying that all police are trigger happy. People are angry. Angry at a system that that we’ve been taught is supposed to serve and protect, yet people are being killed with little cause in some cases. But how can you generalize a whole population of police based on the actions of some ill trained or bad apples? Isn’t that the same as generalizing the whole black population as thugs? The cycle has to stop- but where?

I know not everyone agrees. If you don’t see a problem with what has been happening, please take a moment and walk through this with me. Imagine you are minding your own business, driving home from a long day of work, and are pulled over. Imagine, instead of the officer simply asking for your ID, you’re asked to put your hands in the air. Of course you’re puzzled. This is just a routine traffic stop and you certainly have nothing to hide or to harm right? The police officer approaches the vehicle with caution and you can see that there is tension. You are asked to step out of the car. Seriously! For a traffic stop? You don’t understand and you begin to ask. “Officer, what is the problem? Is there something I should be aware of?” The officer, feeling that you’re asking too many questions, asks you to put your hands behind your head and to stop talking. Because you’re puzzled and wondering what the heck is going on, you ask again. This time, the officer, feeling that you’re resisting the instructions, escorts you to the ground roughly. Your arm hurts, it’s pinned behind your back and you are still in shock as to why this is even happening. You should be sitting at home right this minute with your spouse, children, pets, whatever. You should not be on the ground, outside of your car, pinned by a police officer that is now shouting at you to sit still and quit resisting. Still not understanding how it has even escalated to this point, you ask again what is happening. Now you feel a weapon on your back. You are getting verbal warnings to stop talking. A simple misunderstanding, confusion, and it could end very badly. This was a routine traffic stop. Imagine now, that the person in this scenario is your child, your sibling. Can you begin to understand how terrifying this is for parents? For spouses? Families?

As a country, we need prayer, lots of it. We need to come together, ALL of us, and have a grown up discussion. Instead of talking about the symptoms, we need to talk about the actual disease that is plaguing our nation. We need to have a civilized discussion where all opinions can be heard and respected. Where people can talk openly without repercussions and criticism. We need people to step outside of their comfortable zones and see what is really happening. It’s easy to turn away and pretend this chaos does not exist. When you don’t feel it or know someone who could be a target, it’s easy to just nod politely and go about your business.

Also, do not misunderstand me. I am in NO WAY saying that one person’s life is more important than another. Historically black Americans were seen as “less than”. That perception, that has been dragged into modern day, in a nonchalant kind of way, needs to end. Black, white, police, civilian- we are all equal.

We cannot correct this issue until ALL people start to understand it and have sympathy of what is going on. I’ve had so many people tell me that racism doesn’t exist, racial profiling is fake. That is the ignorance that fuels this fire! I will be praying for our leaders, current and incoming. I’m praying that this might be addressed as passionately as the economy and terrorism. If we as a community, a state, a nation, do not push to make a change, when will it end?