Challenges

New Rules

~ Kara Mills ~ Leave a comment

We’re in day 5,054 of staying at home. Working from home while undertaking Spanish immersion kindergarten, entertaining a threenager, and reminding middle schoolers that video games do not constitute “technology learning” has been treacherous. I mean, it’s infinitely better than being intubated, but it’s not my lifelong dream.

I went from being a happy working mom who carted her kids to their respective destinations every morning, had a coffee, and adulted. Now, on a good day, I’m wrestling kids out of bed, herding cats kids until distance learning is done and they can join the wild west of activities we have at our house. I’m exhausted at the end of the day and adulting is of no interest. I had to learn to “let it go” (thank you Frozen for reminding me of that every day when it’s playing on repeat).  That song is stuck in your head now right?? Anyway, here are a few items we’ve decided or realized during this period of time.

  • Do you have screen time restrictions? Ha! That’s cute! Nope, there are none. It is survival of the fittest people. Unless you’re a kindergartener with an attitude, then you can be grounded from the iPad until your birthday…in July. Yes, it was that bad that I punished myself too.
  • Will you try potty training the threenager? No. HECK no! Why would I do that to myself?? I mean, if she goes, we celebrate. But I am not about to shadow this 3 year old to make sure she goes potty. I seldom remember to use the bathroom so how am I going to remind her?
  • Are you quarantining from hubs? Nope, so long as we remain healthy. We’re each others support system. He strips his clothes off in the garage and then washes them separately from our clothes. For the record, there have been no instances of him streaking through my conference calls. Yet.
  • Do you like working from home? YES!!! I LOVE it! I’m super productive. I mean, when I don’t have kids hanging on me. Literally. Ariah_ClingingThis work of art can be titled “I want to talk on your conference call” circa pandemic 2020.
  • Are you excited to be saving gas money? Yes, of course! It’s helped fund my new online ordering habit. Specifically Amazon. They have everything you need to get your home office in line. The most critical items have been a second monitor and a seat pad. Kitchen chairs are not meant to be sat on 40+ hours a week. Trust me.

Here’s the deal. I’ve had to turn my Type A off and be okay with just making it through each day. There are way bigger things happening in the world that make my stresses sound trivial. And they are trivial, relatively speaking. We are healthy, we have food and clothes and the kids, while bored, are happy. Once I decided that they will be fine if I am not a perfect parent/teacher/worker 100 percent of the time, life was a lot less stressful. Being a working mom is hard when it’s just work, so give yourself some grace and be okay if things are not perfect. We’re all in this together!

Managing Me

~ Kara Mills ~ 1 Comment

Well, it’s been a while. Certainly long overdue. I’ve missed writing but life has been extremely hectic. Hubs has been rotating through different pediatric specialties and I’ve been holding down the fort. The fort consists of the 4 kiddos, basketball (coaching the in-house team), middle school musical, state honors choir, school concerts, doctors appointments, you get the idea. Oh, and work. I have a new role at work so I’ve been climbing the learning curve hill for a while. It’s kind of funny because when people ask how I do everything, I usually say “by the grace of God”. I truly mean that. On my best days I feel like I’m failing and barely processing one moment at a time. Any “me” time is usually spent sleeping (if I’m lucky). On occasion I’ve made it out to get my toes done or was able to run to the grocery store on my own – because isn’t grocery shopping what every mom dreams of doing right after work in the 15 minutes of quiet time they have?!

I will say that hubs does an amazing job of helping out, when he can, and also recognizes when I need time away. However, he can’t always be here so those opportunities are few and far between. I also don’t count work trips as “me” time. Because they’re WORK trips. I’m WORKING. I appreciate having hot food and having a bed that is not inhabited by a toddler but I’m still working and have places to be at specific times.

So, I got to thinking. The last several months my head has been spinning and I know that most areas of our life are not changing any time soon. I need to change something. A few years back I did a New Year’s resolution of reading my bible everyday before I would get on social media or play games on my phone. Unlike all of the resolutions that I had done in the past (usually diet related and I LOVE me some food!), I actually did this one the entire year and it was transformational for me. Being that it’s that time of year again and if I’m being honest with myself, I’m unlikely to really embrace a new eating regimen, I need to think about other well-being options. I’ve decided to focus on me a little more. Ugh, that feels uncomfortable.

I talked through this with hubs before writing because it just feels weird. I’m so used to getting everyone else where they need to be or others items done before my own. Talking with other parents, I know I’m not alone. We often put our kids, spouses, pets, co-workers, bosses, <insert most everyone else>, before ourselves. Especially if you get moving so fast you are running on auto-pilot and do not even realize you’re doing it.

So, for 2020, the start to the new decade, I am going to focus on making sure a portion of my day is for ME. I am going to find different hobbies I love or things that interest me to fill in that time. For the first 5 weeks of the year I’ve joined a FB group to makeover a room in our house. It’s low key but super interesting and I’ve picked our bedroom so I can make an oasis to relax in after (2 birds, 1 stone?). After that, I want to start painting and drawing again. And, of course writing. I want to focus on my friendships too. I have a lot of amazing people in my life that I see regularly and if you look at my phone or social posts, you wouldn’t know that because I’m usually chasing kids and not getting pictures and spending time with them. It doesn’t mean I can go out every night, or even every weekend. But, it does mean I want to be intentional about keeping up with my friends and family. Getting pictures to remember how awesome 2020 was.

So, my dear readers – if any of you are even left out there reading this blog – please hold me accountable. Ask me what I’ve been doing for my hobby. Let’s get pictures together and keep in touch. It’s the people around me that can help keep me grounded and sane when life feels so, so crazy. Follow me on IG at @workingmommymemoirs or @karajmills so see if I’m actually doing what I said I was going to do. Here’s to an amazing start to 2020!

Time to Be Me

~ Kara Mills ~ 4 Comments

Every year hubs med school has a live event called Hippocrates Café that focuses on allowing medical student the opportunity to express themselves artistically through story and song. Typically, a lot of people submit works and then a handful are selected to be presented. Some people perform their own works, while others are performed by professionals. This year, hubs written piece was selected and read by a professional! I am so proud of what he wrote that I felt it’s important to share. It’s a raw piece that truly expresses how these last few years have been, not only for him, but many others in med school as well.

 

Time to Be Me

By: Robert Mills

 

Confident to start, jovial to begin.

Living out my dream, I got this.

Wait. You say you went to what Ivy League school?

You too? And you…?

I’m just a kid from the hood, who’s made it out, so far, so good.

So pardon me if I don’t speak so eloquently.

I’m just tryin to do me.

I wasn’t afforded the social capital and wealth

That allowed you to achieve, seemingly carefree

Naw, that’s not me.

As I swim in this sea of unfamiliarity, I can’t help but wonder,

Why did they pick me?

And as the failures pile up, I feel I’m losing my identity.

Excuse me, is USMLE playing a cruel joke on me?

All the doctors said it was ADHD.

God please!

PLEASE take away this depression.

PLEASE take away this fear.

You’ve brought me so close to my dream, yet it’s on the verge to disappear!

This can’t be how my story ends.

I feel it deep down in my soul.

I was meant for this!

I can’t let this dream go!

Therapy has helped me to see I’m not an affirmative action case.

Despite my upbringing and lack of wealth,

I belong in this place.

What I realized is that the gunshots and the dope spots,

The broken homes, kids being left all alone,

The gang signs and the violent crimes,

Taught me some valuable lessons you can’t learn within four walls.

Like the social injustice spawning deep mistrust in a system that has historically disadvantaged us.

You see these life lessons ain’t in vain,

No matter how excruciating the pain.

And while these tools I’ve acquired don’t scream academic pedigree,

They do provide an empathetic demeanor, which has allowed patients to trust me.

So I’m done with the mask med students wear while being insecure inside,

God has brought me through too much mess to just run away and hide

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel,

And It’s not an oncoming train

It’s dreams fulfilled and destiny revealed through all of the pain.

Below is the video of the professional reading his piece. What an awesome honor to have been chosen and to be able to share such personal feelings with a group that understands so well. If med school doesn’t work out, I feel like a fine arts degree might be in his future….

Working Moms

~ Kara Mills ~ Leave a comment

I haven’t written lately about the work aspect of life. Actually I haven’t written lately at all! Anyway, often my topics are around children, Hub’s med school journey and whatever falls in-between. There are times I feel like I’m a mom who works or a worker who happens to be a mom. It doesn’t always feel like I’m a “working mom”. It also often feels like a lonely island where I’m juggling a million things and I would never want to put myself into a vulnerable position and actually ADMIT that I’m barely keeping my head above water.

I went to a conference in the fall for women who work in the same industry as me. I went hoping to do some networking and learning how other working women navigate through their career paths in this industry. However, I was pleased to find that the “mom” part of these women’s lives were woven into the fabric of the conversation. Virtually every person I spoke with had some component of juggling life with work. Even if she did not have children, there was that navigating of work/life balance that we all experience. It was even more enlightening that the women I spoke with were very open about their experiences and challenges. I was- get ready for it- NOT THE ONLY ONE! I mean, intuitively I know that. I’m not THAT special. But, when hubs in occupied with med school and I’m running the household schedule, menu, cleaning, etc., it does get lonely. And, I’m a lucky one because hubs is 110% involved when he’s around. He doesn’t come home and hide away from the mayhem of our house and make me handle everything. We co-parent really well. It doesn’t mean that things are not challenging on occasion. I was so pleasantly surprised to have that reminder at this conference.

I wish there were more open discussions of this. I’ve seen it in private mom-groups and every once in a while I’ll see some brave soul mention something on Facebook. It’s few and far between. I want to hear what your biggest challenge is. Is it the balance between home & work? If you are a working mom from home (outside employer or SAHM), is it getting a break? What are your challenges??