Writing

Managing Me

~ Kara Mills ~ 1 Comment

Well, it’s been a while. Certainly long overdue. I’ve missed writing but life has been extremely hectic. Hubs has been rotating through different pediatric specialties and I’ve been holding down the fort. The fort consists of the 4 kiddos, basketball (coaching the in-house team), middle school musical, state honors choir, school concerts, doctors appointments, you get the idea. Oh, and work. I have a new role at work so I’ve been climbing the learning curve hill for a while. It’s kind of funny because when people ask how I do everything, I usually say “by the grace of God”. I truly mean that. On my best days I feel like I’m failing and barely processing one moment at a time. Any “me” time is usually spent sleeping (if I’m lucky). On occasion I’ve made it out to get my toes done or was able to run to the grocery store on my own – because isn’t grocery shopping what every mom dreams of doing right after work in the 15 minutes of quiet time they have?!

I will say that hubs does an amazing job of helping out, when he can, and also recognizes when I need time away. However, he can’t always be here so those opportunities are few and far between. I also don’t count work trips as “me” time. Because they’re WORK trips. I’m WORKING. I appreciate having hot food and having a bed that is not inhabited by a toddler but I’m still working and have places to be at specific times.

So, I got to thinking. The last several months my head has been spinning and I know that most areas of our life are not changing any time soon. I need to change something. A few years back I did a New Year’s resolution of reading my bible everyday before I would get on social media or play games on my phone. Unlike all of the resolutions that I had done in the past (usually diet related and I LOVE me some food!), I actually did this one the entire year and it was transformational for me. Being that it’s that time of year again and if I’m being honest with myself, I’m unlikely to really embrace a new eating regimen, I need to think about other well-being options. I’ve decided to focus on me a little more. Ugh, that feels uncomfortable.

I talked through this with hubs before writing because it just feels weird. I’m so used to getting everyone else where they need to be or others items done before my own. Talking with other parents, I know I’m not alone. We often put our kids, spouses, pets, co-workers, bosses, <insert most everyone else>, before ourselves. Especially if you get moving so fast you are running on auto-pilot and do not even realize you’re doing it.

So, for 2020, the start to the new decade, I am going to focus on making sure a portion of my day is for ME. I am going to find different hobbies I love or things that interest me to fill in that time. For the first 5 weeks of the year I’ve joined a FB group to makeover a room in our house. It’s low key but super interesting and I’ve picked our bedroom so I can make an oasis to relax in after (2 birds, 1 stone?). After that, I want to start painting and drawing again. And, of course writing. I want to focus on my friendships too. I have a lot of amazing people in my life that I see regularly and if you look at my phone or social posts, you wouldn’t know that because I’m usually chasing kids and not getting pictures and spending time with them. It doesn’t mean I can go out every night, or even every weekend. But, it does mean I want to be intentional about keeping up with my friends and family. Getting pictures to remember how awesome 2020 was.

So, my dear readers – if any of you are even left out there reading this blog – please hold me accountable. Ask me what I’ve been doing for my hobby. Let’s get pictures together and keep in touch. It’s the people around me that can help keep me grounded and sane when life feels so, so crazy. Follow me on IG at @workingmommymemoirs or @karajmills so see if I’m actually doing what I said I was going to do. Here’s to an amazing start to 2020!

Time to Be Me

~ Kara Mills ~ 4 Comments

Every year hubs med school has a live event called Hippocrates Café that focuses on allowing medical student the opportunity to express themselves artistically through story and song. Typically, a lot of people submit works and then a handful are selected to be presented. Some people perform their own works, while others are performed by professionals. This year, hubs written piece was selected and read by a professional! I am so proud of what he wrote that I felt it’s important to share. It’s a raw piece that truly expresses how these last few years have been, not only for him, but many others in med school as well.

 

Time to Be Me

By: Robert Mills

 

Confident to start, jovial to begin.

Living out my dream, I got this.

Wait. You say you went to what Ivy League school?

You too? And you…?

I’m just a kid from the hood, who’s made it out, so far, so good.

So pardon me if I don’t speak so eloquently.

I’m just tryin to do me.

I wasn’t afforded the social capital and wealth

That allowed you to achieve, seemingly carefree

Naw, that’s not me.

As I swim in this sea of unfamiliarity, I can’t help but wonder,

Why did they pick me?

And as the failures pile up, I feel I’m losing my identity.

Excuse me, is USMLE playing a cruel joke on me?

All the doctors said it was ADHD.

God please!

PLEASE take away this depression.

PLEASE take away this fear.

You’ve brought me so close to my dream, yet it’s on the verge to disappear!

This can’t be how my story ends.

I feel it deep down in my soul.

I was meant for this!

I can’t let this dream go!

Therapy has helped me to see I’m not an affirmative action case.

Despite my upbringing and lack of wealth,

I belong in this place.

What I realized is that the gunshots and the dope spots,

The broken homes, kids being left all alone,

The gang signs and the violent crimes,

Taught me some valuable lessons you can’t learn within four walls.

Like the social injustice spawning deep mistrust in a system that has historically disadvantaged us.

You see these life lessons ain’t in vain,

No matter how excruciating the pain.

And while these tools I’ve acquired don’t scream academic pedigree,

They do provide an empathetic demeanor, which has allowed patients to trust me.

So I’m done with the mask med students wear while being insecure inside,

God has brought me through too much mess to just run away and hide

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel,

And It’s not an oncoming train

It’s dreams fulfilled and destiny revealed through all of the pain.

Below is the video of the professional reading his piece. What an awesome honor to have been chosen and to be able to share such personal feelings with a group that understands so well. If med school doesn’t work out, I feel like a fine arts degree might be in his future….

Full Circle

~ Kara Mills ~ 2 Comments

Almost 1 year ago- to the day- I published my first blog post. I really wasn’t sure what would happen with it. Would I post once and walk away having checked an item off my bucket list? Would it become a sensational piece of writing and I could retire young? Okay- I really wasn’t holding my breath for that one. Would I even continue on to be able to celebrate 1 year of therapeutic writing? All kinds of questions came to mind. I can actually remember it, vividly. I remember it because I was sitting in a hotel room in Las Vegas, having been at a conference all day for work, and decided on a whim it was time for ME to have a “hobby”. Something outside of work that I can use as a medium and voice I wouldn’t otherwise have. So, here I am, full circle, because I am sitting in a hotel room- in Phoenix this time for work- thinking about what I should do. I like writing, I’ve been told by some that I’m decent at it (thank you by the way- even if you’re exaggerating!). It’s been interesting to share some stories along the way that I feel are entertaining, and even educational at times. So, in honor of this blogiversary, I am listing a few things I have learned over the last year.

  • Any posts written about hubs and/or medical school always had the most views. I make 2 conclusions from this. The first is that hubs is a pretty awesome guy (which is why I married him!) so he of course would be interesting to read about because who goes back to medical school at our age?! The second is that perhaps most of the people reading those posts are friends/classmates of hubs and that is what drives the traffic. That kind of makes sense, except that I thought all they did was study in med school. Maybe I was mistaken…
  • Having a blog is like having a business, without the need to for taxes. I feel like there is some component of marketing and customer interaction but I don’t have to worry about filing taxes and I have free reign in what I say. Kind of awesome if you ask me!
  • There is a very dedicated group of folks who write often, interact often and have a ba-zillion followers through all of the different avenues. I am not one of those. I made a commitment to myself that I would post at least once a month and I have done so over the last year. I may try to do more but why put the pressure on and make it not fun?
  • I was able to write about the relevant, irritating, entertaining first world problems that we encounter on a daily basis. I am not changing the world with this blog, but I hope that it can make someone smile. And perhaps, in a small, butterfly effect kind of way that can have a positive impact the world? Am I grasping for straws?
  • It made me realize that an item on my bucket list, writing a book, is actually a possibility. Now, I didn’t say it would be a GOOD book, just a book. Someday. Not now. Med school and book writing are akin to mixing oil and water.

So, it’s not a profound list, just a few notable items. I will truck along and see what the next year of writing brings. Hopefully less writers block and more entertaining topics to share! Thank you to all who read, encourage me, and tell others about my writing. I’m always open for suggestions and really do value your input! Happy reading!