Routine

Bottling Up Moments

~ Kara Mills ~ 2 Comments

I was recently putting Asher to bed thinking about how wonderful it felt to have him melt into me while sleeping. I mean, we were basically glued together by snot and spit, and it was wonderful. It also made me think about how much I missed and probably took those moments for granted with the bigger boys. It feels like a decade ago. Well, it has been a decade! I was thinking about how awesome it would be to bottle up each of those precious moments we have. Capture everything from the smells, sounds, feels and emotions. The feeling of the chubby legs folded over my lap while his warm drooling cheek lays on my shoulder. The smell of baby wipes, Shea butter soap and bag balm (the best alternative for butt cream EVER- seriously, I had someone hug me after a suggestion to try it). All of those senses molded into one bottle that can be opened at a moment’s notice. Maybe when he goes to kindergarten, or graduates high school. Or, gulp, gets married. You know, like in the BFG by Roald Dahl. The BFG had the ability to capture everyone’s dreams and can then use them as needed. How awesome would it be to capture those moments in life that we want to cherish forever? And then when you need a reminder or are feeling emotional, you can open it up and live it all over again. Not just visually or by hearing it, but by feeling it.

As a mom, it’s hard to always remember to embrace every moment. Outside of working away from home, there are so many things that are consuming time when I get home. Dinner, homework, baths, school clothes, laundry, just to name a few. Notice I didn’t even mention cleaning. I suppose that falls in there as well. Everyone always says to embrace the moment, time passes so fast, <insert Hallmark line here>. But, on the flip side, there is this underlying expectation that standards need to be met in order to be a successful mom and feel like you’ve accomplished something. People can see your clean house, taste your good food and evaluate the completed homework. No one may see that you rocked the baby for an extra 20 minutes just to smell their recently washed hair, or told the kiddos a crazy, homemade bed time story before bed. We count everything in minutes of a day. It’s 30 minute to make dinner, 1 hour for homework, 8 hours of work, etc. We don’t necessarily count moments of the day. It’s easy to say that the kids have to go to bed now because I have an hour worth of laundry to fold. But really, what’s an extra 20 minutes to cuddle? You can’t bottle that up, but you sure can the laundry! And I don’t know about you, but I would love to bottle up that laundry and send it away! While I’m not saying live in squalor, I do believe instead of doing things we feel pressured to do, adjust the schedule with things we know will have a greater impact on how we feel about time and those moments that often pass us by.

The point of my bottled up soapbox is that until we can feel less pressure (real or not) about how we’re conducting ourselves as moms, we will not change. I’m so guilty of that. I see magazines that show me how a perfect house looks. How to “really clean” in only 30 minutes a week. Or how to make a healthy meal in only 10 minutes a day. There is a fix for everything, but limited time or resources to implement it. So, instead of saying “oh well” and not stressing over what I had planned on making for dinner, I’m making my 30 minute meal feeling guilty for the extra 20 minutes I could be using elsewhere. I’m sure not everyone feels the pressure from those types of articles. Heck, maybe I’m a glutton for punishment? I too get sucked into the depths of Pinterest on occasion looking for a better solution to dinner ideas, cleaning, school and whatever the stress of the moment is. I’m working on caring less about how things are structured and what others may think about how my house looks or what we’re having for dinner. But, it’s not easy when, based on conversations I’ve had with folks who like to “keep it real”, it appears most people are masquerading about the home front because it’s too embarrassing or too disappointing to admit they had cereal for dinner or had to rewash the items in the washer 3 times before remembering to put it in the dryer. When I hear that, I feel better knowing I’m not the only one. But then wonder too, how many other moms feel that pressure and we’re all too ashamed to say anything? So, while you ponder that, I am going to cuddle my baby!

Why I Work- A Soapbox

~ Kara Mills ~ Leave a comment

It’s been crazy busy lately- thus the no posting for almost a month. But, it’s about time I got on my soapbox, so bear with me. I have chosen to work, have a career, whatever you want to call it, for 3 reasons.

1) I’ve often talked about work serving as a creative outlet for me. I love what I do so it’s not just “work”, but also something I enjoy, and that I’m good at.

2) It’s time away from our home routine that allows me to recharge.

3) It’s also the challenge of working through the red tape, politics, and silly little situations that keeps me challenged. It also makes me a little crazy sometimes, but isn’t that part of a good challenge??

Continue reading →

Reevaluating

~ Kara Mills ~ Leave a comment

Lately, I’ve been at an interesting point in my career. I’ve been in my field for over 10 years and am lucky enough to be doing what I love. I would have never, in a million years, thought that I would be working in the restaurant industry, that’s for sure. However, there is still so much more I would like to do. I’m thankful enough that I can also talk openly about my aspirations with my boss and others at my job, so I don’t feel like I’ve hit any type of “ceiling”. The more challenging part is figuring out that work-life balance. Basically, a load of crap if you ask me. When I look at all of the items on our family’s plate, leaning in feels more like falling on my face. With hubs in med school, I’m working full time and then 3 kids all over the place it doesn’t seem possible to do more. That is, if I were on my own. I sometimes discount hubs (sorry babe!).

I was talking with hubs and explaining how I had ideas of a few things I would like to do, but I knew that it would take more time on my end at work. Meaning, we would have to work together on our schedule. Honestly, I had almost expected the response to be maybe I should hold off for a while until he is done and then I’ll focus on my stuff. Instead, he said, “We’ll figure it out. We will plan ahead, accordingly as needed”. And that was that. It was genuine and absolutely final.

If only work life balance were that easy right? Fast forward a couple of weeks and we’re, yet again, battling a bad virus that is spreading through our house, despite my never ending bleaching and cleaning. So, just as I’m thinking that maybe this might be easier than I thought, everyone starts getting sick and hubs has some mandatory school stuff. That means that I am the on-call parent this week, which is the case most weeks with his crazy schedule. It doesn’t seem like balance can be part of the vocabulary at that point. Of course, it’s always a little difficult to see the sunshine through the Lysol haze. After a few moments of deep breathing (away from the fumes of course) I was reminded of what a co-worker had told me. Balance is not always even all the time. It’s a give and take process. Some weeks will be 90% home and 10% work and others will be the opposite. It’s finding the right balance of a percentage, to make both places not fall apart, that makes it a good work-life balance. So, while this week may seem chaotic, the next several could be back to normal and totally manageable. Plus, having a spouse who is a PARTNER in the relationship and who encourages me, makes all the difference in the world.

Empty Threats

~ Kara Mills ~ 1 Comment

You’ve probably heard it before, you’re out at the store and there is a mom who is just about at her limit with her screaming child. She finally blows her top and tells the child that they’re never going have candy again if they don’t stop crying. Next thing you know, the kid is picking out a candy bar while waiting in the checkout line. That kid knows how to work the system. I’m talking about empty threats. Everyone does it some time or another. It might be in the heat of the moment and you say they will never get a toy again in their whole life. Yeah, that is probably not going to happen, but I get it, we all have those moments. I’m talking about continually doing that. It’s about keeping credibility with the kids. They need to know that you will do what you say you will do. Continue reading →

Hubs: My Hero

~ Kara Mills ~ Leave a comment

A big part of being married and knowing your spouse is knowing what really knocks their socks off. For some women it might be a nice purse or piece of jewelry. For others it may be time away getting pampered (my second choice item). For me however, my first choice is having a clean house. If I walk in and the floors are shining and things are tidied up….look out! This mama is doing a dance! Oh, you’ve emptied the dishwasher…shut your face! The laundry is folded…and put away! Oh go on you say! Pure bliss is what I call that! Continue reading →

Lucky to Be Alive

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The kids in our house have been dropping like flies. Aden was in the ER for his usual asthma stuff, which was triggered by a bad cold. It’s so usual that the respiratory therapist even recognized us. And gave us the same lecture she gave us the last time we were there 2 months ago. Clearly it’s not really working because we were back again. Sunday morning I stayed home with all of the boys instead of going to church and it was a good thing I did, Elijah woke up with a 102.7 fever. Nice. Did I mention Asher was battle a nice little cold/ear infection too? Oh yeah, and hubs has mid-terms this week. Oh, and another thing, my boss is in town this week because it is performance appraisal time at work. Nothing says “I want to advance my career” like “I need to reschedule my performance appraisal, and take a day off because my kids are sick and my husband has mid-terms”. I may be misguided and presumptuous by saying this, but the thought did cross my mind that if I was a SAHM it might be a little easier. At least I would have one less thing to schedule around- work. But, I really do love my job. Continue reading →

The Med School Process – From the Wife’s Perspective

~ Kara Mills ~ 7 Comments

So, by now you know that hubs is in medical school. As of last week, we’ve he has survived his first semester! This might not sound like a big deal to most, but med school is part of why I started blogging. You see, when he was going through the long, tiring process of taking classes and applying for med school, I had looked all over for websites, blogs or whatever I could find to guide us through it. Most blogs were outdated. I could only attribute it to the fact they must have made it and no longer had a need to blog about med school right? I wanted to better understand the process and how I, as the working spouse, could properly support hubs while he was going through. I decided that when he started med school, I would use this as a creative outlet, as well as hopefully an outlet for other spouses/significant others of med students. Or those considering med school. Continue reading →

Chaos is the New Normal

~ Kara Mills ~ Leave a comment

Every evening in our house is complete chaos. Okay, maybe not every evening, but at least most of them. I’ve tried many things to just have a normal night. You know, normal like everyone else- coming home from work, cooking dinner, doing homework and maybe relaxing. I’ve made lists. And I’ve made lists of lists, just hoping that ample organization might work. I’ve tried thinking outside of the box and letting the kids be “independent” and let them decide their evening. That crap does NOT work. So, back to the old fashioned schedule. That is about as close to normal as I can get. Although, that’s assuming that the boys are completely obedient (like all elementary aged kids of course) and that the baby is perfectly content. Thankfully, most nights it’s only one part of our evening that is crazy. Maybe homework is a struggle but by dinner and shower time we’re back on track. Or sometimes it takes FOREVER for them to get in the shower but homework and dinner were fine. And then, sometimes, at least once or twice a week (you know every day in my exaggerated world) all aspects of the evening are chaos. Take for instance, last night. I was dog tired picking the boys up. Continue reading →