Working Mom

It’s Been a While

~ Kara Mills ~ Leave a comment

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. Not because I haven’t wanted to. As one of my kids said – “it’s a great outlet for me” (insert eye roll). Things have really just been that busy.

So after my last post, I kind of left people hanging. Hubs matched at the University of MN – so, we get to stay put!! Since that point, we moved (locally thankfully), hubs graduated (should I call him DrHubs now?), had out of state family move to MN (YAY!!!), he started residency and now we’re preparing for the start of school for the kids. There have been work trips – Las Vegas, Nashville and California and many hours, heck even days, that we go without seeing him. Most days he leaves before we’re up and then gets back well after the kids are in bed. On the bright side, when he’s home – he’s truly home. We’ve had to learn to do more with less and are adjusting to dad being gone at work instead of school. While he’s not in a specialty that is crazy competitive like surgery or ortho (and have the reputation of having crazy hours), he still is away a LOT.

The best part is that he is finally getting paid! Now, if I take that pay and divide it by the hours that he works, I’m pretty sure I got paid more hourly babysitting in 1991 than what he gets. But, something is better than nothing right?

Finally, and most importantly, HE MADE IT! He’s officially an MD. Through all of the trials (and there were a LOT of them!), God has carried us and gave us constant reminders of how faith truly works. So, for now, I will do my best to write. More to come!

Working Moms

~ Kara Mills ~ Leave a comment

I haven’t written lately about the work aspect of life. Actually I haven’t written lately at all! Anyway, often my topics are around children, Hub’s med school journey and whatever falls in-between. There are times I feel like I’m a mom who works or a worker who happens to be a mom. It doesn’t always feel like I’m a “working mom”. It also often feels like a lonely island where I’m juggling a million things and I would never want to put myself into a vulnerable position and actually ADMIT that I’m barely keeping my head above water.

I went to a conference in the fall for women who work in the same industry as me. I went hoping to do some networking and learning how other working women navigate through their career paths in this industry. However, I was pleased to find that the “mom” part of these women’s lives were woven into the fabric of the conversation. Virtually every person I spoke with had some component of juggling life with work. Even if she did not have children, there was that navigating of work/life balance that we all experience. It was even more enlightening that the women I spoke with were very open about their experiences and challenges. I was- get ready for it- NOT THE ONLY ONE! I mean, intuitively I know that. I’m not THAT special. But, when hubs in occupied with med school and I’m running the household schedule, menu, cleaning, etc., it does get lonely. And, I’m a lucky one because hubs is 110% involved when he’s around. He doesn’t come home and hide away from the mayhem of our house and make me handle everything. We co-parent really well. It doesn’t mean that things are not challenging on occasion. I was so pleasantly surprised to have that reminder at this conference.

I wish there were more open discussions of this. I’ve seen it in private mom-groups and every once in a while I’ll see some brave soul mention something on Facebook. It’s few and far between. I want to hear what your biggest challenge is. Is it the balance between home & work? If you are a working mom from home (outside employer or SAHM), is it getting a break? What are your challenges??

Missing Out?

~ Kara Mills ~ Leave a comment

As a working mom, it’s inevitable that I will miss milestones that my children hit. Perhaps a first step, first word, first tantrum (never that lucky….). It’s not easy, but for me, that was a piece of parenting I went into with my eyes wide open. I knew that, statistically speaking, if someone is watching my kiddo for 1/3 of the day, they were bound to see something new that I had not seen yet. With our fourth (and last) baby, I was really worried that my more rational side might step away and the more emotional side may step in. Being the last baby, would I have any regret or sadness not being there for every moment? Am I willing to share that with someone else? There are some days where I really want to be here every moment. I want to record and document every little tidbit of the day. That’s not practical. Even if I did document everything, what purpose does it serve? More boards on Pinterest? I get writing down when a child takes their first step or cuts their first tooth. But all of the other little items- peas for the first time, first sneeze, first diaper blowout, does it really ever end? That’s a lot of pressure in an already busy life. Besides, sharing those milestones- good or bad- is an opportunity to see that the person caring for my kiddo is fully vested in their life. We’ve been so fortunate to have amazing people in our lives to share our kids with. I certainly don’t take that for granted.

So, I’ve decided instead of focusing on what I’m missing, I will focus on, and enjoy, everything I am here for. I will rely on our “extended family” to rejoice in the milestones I miss. All that matters is that my kiddos know that they have a support system that loves and cares for them. And I’ll save my Pinterest boards for more important things like “What I didn’t know about Adulting”.

What I’ve Learned: Maternity Leave Edition

~ Kara Mills ~ Leave a comment

I’m baaacck! To writing that is. Apparently, my blog has been on maternity leave as well! As I’ve been enjoying snuggles and dressing like a bum, there are a few things that I’ve come to realize.

  • I was reminded what a big job it is being a stay at home mom. I’ve been lucky enough that all the kids are in school or daycare so I can really focus on the new baby. The days where they were not, at a minimum, were chaotic. So, shout out to all the stay at home moms!!
  • Daytime TV is terrible. Maybe it’s because I’m not a huge reality TV person (talk shows included), but there are slim pickings. You can only watch Law and Order: SVU so many times. I think I watched all the episodes while on leave for Asher so I’m not seeing anything new.
  • Late night TV is terrible. So, when she wakes at 2am and I turn the TV on to stay awake while feeding her, it’s usually reruns of Law & Order: SVU (note #1 on why that’s not entertaining). Or, the lovely choices of Life Lock, Pressure Cookers, Amazing Abs, Erections, Great Sex, or a variety of kids shows on Disney and Nick Jr. Don’t get me wrong, I could use some good abs and, well, some of the other options are what got me on maternity leave to begin with so I’m not interested in watching the infomercials.
  • Babies only sleep, eat, and poop (well, at least mine does). So, for the other 22 hours a day, it can get boring after cleaning the house and taking a nap. I’ve been reading and doing puzzles. Hubs says it’s time to head back to work. He knows me well.
  • A “quick trip” to Target to get diapers or groceries is anything but that. There is something therapeutic about wandering the store without a child tugging at your leg. That is until you check out and throw up in your mouth a little bit because you spent twice as much as you expected.
  • There were more times than I like to admit where I really didn’t know what day of the week it was. And certainly not what day of the month it was. I managed to nearly forget a field trip day, almost miss a meeting, and oversleep on days I had to do school drop off.

Don’t get me wrong, maternity leave has been nice. I’ve been able to relax and get to know this new little baby of ours. There are a few items I will miss when I head back to work in a couple weeks (besides my kiddo of course!).

  • Naps. Whenever I want. I fully predict that at least once the first week back my forehead will hit the keyboard around 2pm begging for a nap.
  • Catching up on housework. I have enjoyed not using every Saturday to clean the house. I’ve been able to work on things here and there and it’s made it way more manageable.
  • Naps. Did I mention that already?
  • Grocery shopping when it’s not busy. Aside from spending too much at Target, it’s nice being able to get a good parking spot and then get through the aisles without playing bumper carts.
  • Flexibility. Asher was sent home sick last week and I did not have to worry about the debate of who does pick up and stays home with the sick kid. It’s certainly made it a lot easier for our schedules. Or when Elijah had an evening event, I didn’t have to stress about having to leave work early to make it on time.

At the end of the day, I do feel I am still a better mom when I’m working. I may be less organized and laundry may pile up a bit more, but I have that adult interaction I’ve been missing while away. And the time when I am home will be even more precious.

I’m Not Your Friend

~ Kara Mills ~ Leave a comment

After moving to the new neighborhood, there’s been a time period of getting to know the neighbors and the nuances of life here. Everyone is friendly and it’s a quiet area. There are several boys around Aden’s age so he’s having fun making new friends and playing outside. However, I find in most cases, I’m the mean mom. You see, we have a few rules in our household. Maybe this makes me a little cray-cray but whatever. Some of it is dictated by Aden’s allergies (I don’t have him carry his epi-pen yet as I’m pretty sure he would think it was a toy to play with) and other are dictated by the fact that we’ve experienced crazy and are hoping to prevent any repeat incidents.

 

Here are the rules:

 

  • When school has started, you do not play outside until you have your homework done. If you “forgot” your homework at school, you’re out of luck. I bet you’ll remember it next time! And for all of the people freaking out that they “need their exercise”, they play outside all afternoon in their after school program. So they’re all sweaty and stinky by the time I pick them up and have had their share of fresh air.
  • If you’re fortunate enough to play outside after homework, do not keep coming in and out of the house. Unless you’re about to pee your pants, stay outside until you plan on staying inside. If I hear you come in more than once, that’s a wrap. We don’t need a bunch of flies in the house and you certainly do not need to feed the whole neighborhood all of the lunch snacks I have in the pantry. It’s almost dinner time anyway.
  • Speaking of dinner time, when I call you inside for dinner, you better hear me and you better listen the first time. I do not want to be that crazy mom who is running around the neighborhood in my not so nice lounge clothes looking for you. If that happens, consider it being docked in pay and you’re inside the next night. And don’t even ask to go outside after dinner!
  • Don’t ask me 50 times if you can play in Johnny’s house. You have about 1 hour to enjoy and that means enjoy it outside. I don’t know Johnny’s parents like that so, no, you cannot play over there. Heck, I don’t even know what house they live in. Stop asking or you’re coming inside.
  • If you have your homework done, you’ve stayed outside and you came in at dinner and didn’t ever ask to play at Johnny’s house, you may get a chance to go back outside after dinner….if the streetlights are not on. If they are, that’s a night and it’s time to take a shower (because you stink like the outside) and get ready for bed. If you argue, you lose tomorrow night.

 

So, these are the rules we use. Maybe I’m mean, but it’s what fits our family and our kids. So recently, one of the boys came over and asked Aden to play outside. He, knowing the rules, told them he had to finish homework and eat before he could come out. They were a little puzzled by this. Aden, being the child who challenges everything, pressed me about why his friends can do certain things and he cannot. “Because I’m not your friend. I am your mom. My job is to make sure you can follow rules, stay safe, and be respectful. It’s not changing so stop asking.” He rolled his eyes and groaned. My reply: “That’s fine. You can stay in tonight.” Hopefully someday he will learn. And hopefully it’s before he’s an adult when we can actually be more like friends….

Earning My Cape

~ Kara Mills ~ Leave a comment

It’s not often that I can say I’ve had a “super mom” moment. Actually, there are seldom times like that because I feel when I do have moments that seem that I’ve accomplished something, it’s part of the expected duties as a mom, so it really doesn’t count as anything. However, I recently had a moment where I earned that infamous “super mom cape”.

I was in Puerto Rico for work (tough life right?). Hubs and I had figured out all of the miscellaneous details of kids, schedules, school, etc. and I knew it was going to be just fine. Because we’re working from about 6am to 10pm daily, there is not a lot of time to do much of anything else. This means that if I have a moment to talk to hubs and the kids, I’m asking them how their day was, instead of reminding them of everything. Well, it just so happens there was a field trip on the Friday I was gone. It was an “in school” field trip. I suppose both hubs and I didn’t think much of it since it was in school and it was one day of the week when Elijah would actually eat whatever was on the hot lunch menu. I neglected to remember that for in school field trips you need to bring a lunch because you do not eat at the time hot lunch is served. Oops.

Well, that morning I got a call from Elijah, concerned because he didn’t have a lunch for the day. He remembered that I had signed him up for the event and thought maybe I had something figured out for his lunch. Um yeah, hot lunch. Well, hubs was over an hour away from the school and I clearly was not able to get there anytime soon. After some back and forth calls and texts with hubs, I had the Jimmy John’s website queued up and ready to deliver a sandwich for lunch time. However, I didn’t want to be the mom that had food delivered for her kid and the PTA protest me for giving him processed food- or something like that. I asked to speak to his teacher just to make sure it would be okay. I explained that I was out of the state traveling and hubs was at class and we had gotten our wires crossed. She assured me that it would be fine to have food delivered, but the cafeteria can also provide him a bag lunch. What?! You mean I didn’t have to order the freaky fast subs after all? Sweet! So, by the end of the day, Elijah had a lunch, hubs was (relatively) uninterrupted in his class and all of that was done while I was on a break from the general session, in Puerto Rico. Best of all, we all got a good laugh out of it. Well maybe not Elijah. They gave him a PB&J (he hates peanut butter). But, better than not eating right? So, all in all, not too bad if you ask me.

Why I Work- A Soapbox

~ Kara Mills ~ Leave a comment

It’s been crazy busy lately- thus the no posting for almost a month. But, it’s about time I got on my soapbox, so bear with me. I have chosen to work, have a career, whatever you want to call it, for 3 reasons.

1) I’ve often talked about work serving as a creative outlet for me. I love what I do so it’s not just “work”, but also something I enjoy, and that I’m good at.

2) It’s time away from our home routine that allows me to recharge.

3) It’s also the challenge of working through the red tape, politics, and silly little situations that keeps me challenged. It also makes me a little crazy sometimes, but isn’t that part of a good challenge??

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Reevaluating

~ Kara Mills ~ Leave a comment

Lately, I’ve been at an interesting point in my career. I’ve been in my field for over 10 years and am lucky enough to be doing what I love. I would have never, in a million years, thought that I would be working in the restaurant industry, that’s for sure. However, there is still so much more I would like to do. I’m thankful enough that I can also talk openly about my aspirations with my boss and others at my job, so I don’t feel like I’ve hit any type of “ceiling”. The more challenging part is figuring out that work-life balance. Basically, a load of crap if you ask me. When I look at all of the items on our family’s plate, leaning in feels more like falling on my face. With hubs in med school, I’m working full time and then 3 kids all over the place it doesn’t seem possible to do more. That is, if I were on my own. I sometimes discount hubs (sorry babe!).

I was talking with hubs and explaining how I had ideas of a few things I would like to do, but I knew that it would take more time on my end at work. Meaning, we would have to work together on our schedule. Honestly, I had almost expected the response to be maybe I should hold off for a while until he is done and then I’ll focus on my stuff. Instead, he said, “We’ll figure it out. We will plan ahead, accordingly as needed”. And that was that. It was genuine and absolutely final.

If only work life balance were that easy right? Fast forward a couple of weeks and we’re, yet again, battling a bad virus that is spreading through our house, despite my never ending bleaching and cleaning. So, just as I’m thinking that maybe this might be easier than I thought, everyone starts getting sick and hubs has some mandatory school stuff. That means that I am the on-call parent this week, which is the case most weeks with his crazy schedule. It doesn’t seem like balance can be part of the vocabulary at that point. Of course, it’s always a little difficult to see the sunshine through the Lysol haze. After a few moments of deep breathing (away from the fumes of course) I was reminded of what a co-worker had told me. Balance is not always even all the time. It’s a give and take process. Some weeks will be 90% home and 10% work and others will be the opposite. It’s finding the right balance of a percentage, to make both places not fall apart, that makes it a good work-life balance. So, while this week may seem chaotic, the next several could be back to normal and totally manageable. Plus, having a spouse who is a PARTNER in the relationship and who encourages me, makes all the difference in the world.