Constructive Criticism & Grammar

~ Kara Mills ~ Leave a comment

Morning car rides with the boys usually produces one of two things: fights (the more common one) or quizzical conversation. For example, one morning a while back, Elijah asked me what the battle strategy for the civil war was and why they picked it. How to they set specific speed limits? I also once received a full explanation of the different types of moons. You get the idea. It’s a plethora of things that I usually cannot answer, but I do enjoy listening. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, one boy will ask and the other will answer. That makes for the most entertainment.

So, last week we’re driving to school and the following dialog occurs:

Elijah: “Aden, I think it will be good when you begin studying grammar because you do not always have the correct grammar.” I laugh to myself because of the matter-of-fact tone of his statement (he often reminds me of Sheldon from Big Bang Theory).

Aden: “That’s not nice!”

Me: “Elijah, maybe you should have said that in a nicer way, use constructive criticism.”

Elijah: “What does that mean?!” He’s clearly annoyed that his very honest statement was being put into question.

Me: “It means to be more constructive while giving critiques. For example, if you’re using a long and complicated way to figure out a math problem and there is an easier way, I might suggest another way by saying ‘you’re idea is good but let’s try another method too’ instead of saying ‘you have a bad way of doing math’.”

Elijah: “It’s too hard to do that!” In Elijah speak, that means what he said was honest so why sugar coat it? I think about it, I suppose he’s not incorrect, but you know the old saying, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

Aden: “Elijah, you should really say nicer things to me because what if I learn from you and say something mean about someone else’s grammars?” Yes folks, grammars.

Elijah: “That’s EXACTLY what I mean. Grammars! Really Aden! You can’t even say that correct!” He’s totally exasperated at this point.

Thank you Aden, for proving his point. Never a dull moment. Ever.

Band-Aids and Body Wash

~ Kara Mills ~ Leave a comment

There are two things that I am learning I need to buy in bulk: Band-Aids and body wash. Maybe I should just buy stock in a few specific companies knowing my family alone could keep them in business. Seriously. I could watch the profits soar.

Band-Aids are a serious matter in our house. We have one kid who truly has to be gushing blood before he puts one on, while the other makes up for all of his brothers combined. No joke, we went through a whole box of Band-Aids in a month. In the winter. Nothing happens in the winter! They’re not outside riding bikes, scraping knees. You have a paper cut? You better get the super, mega, large Band-Aid and put it on so your finger doesn’t fall off. You have a bruise? You definitely need a Band-Aid! You thought you were almost going to hurt your leg? Yup, you need one there too. Don’t get me wrong, there have been some valid injuries, as anyone with boys can understand. But the nonsense with the amount of Band-Aids is getting ridiculous. I spent over $30 at the store buying more because I wanted to make sure we had some around when we really need them. I get it though, as a kid, they’re supposed to make everything better. Even as I write this post, he’s in the bathroom removing a splinter and getting a Band-Aid. Don’t believe me? Ask hubs, he’s our in-resident doctor that is digging it out. He will for sure prescribe him a Band-Aid.

Band-Aids are one thing, but body wash, now that another story. I never thought we would go through body wash the way we do. Bars of soap are not a great option for boys, at least in our house. Think of bars of soap rocket propelling over the shower curtains or being slid around the tub like a Crisco coated bobsled on ice. I had thought providing body soap was like loss prevention at our house. Until I stepped in the shower, in a puddle of soap, and nearly kicked a hole through the wall. Really, sliding around like that at 5am is not the makings for a great day. It was literally half a bottle of soap that I had bought the day before. I think I was more upset that it was almost gone, rather than the fact I nearly broke my back. Even in weeks where the soap wasn’t spilled all over the shower, I couldn’t figure out where in the heck the stuff was going. I mean really, their bodies are a quarter of my size but they use 10 times as much body wash? Am I not washing myself that well? So, I spied. I saw one of the boys dump the body wash in his hand until it was spilling out. And, of course, it inevitably falls out as he begins washing, so he needs more. This was repeated 2 or 3 times. Ahh, that explains it. Now I see why a 20 ounce bottle can be eliminated in a week on a 40 pound child. How silly of me to think otherwise! Well, in an effort to save money so we could send our kids to college, I went on the hunt for a mega size bottle. With a pump. I figured either the bottle would be too heavy to pour, or they would be inclined to use the pump. I found a large bottle that I am happy to say had managed to stay with us for more than 2 months now! That’s totally a record.

It will get to a certain point where our other “well intended” child will like to “help out” by mixing body wash with our shampoo and conditioner. For example, one morning I begin washing my hair with my overpriced salon shampoo and realize, that in addition to the flower and herb smell I was used to, I was smelling peaches with a hint of cologne. Yup, he had mixed my shampoo with their body wash and hubs body wash. His justification was that he was making everything one step for me. I could wash my hair and my body with everything in there. I did get a little worried because I realized that the toilet bowl cleaner was right outside of the shower. He assured me he only used products for the body. I now buy hair products that don’t allow you to take the tops off.

So, the moral of the story: if you have a boy, you may want to stock up on these 2 items now. I’m sure as they get older, there will be something else. Please, share with me what they are so I can plan now. I need to get ahead of the curve!

Control Your Child

~ Kara Mills ~ Leave a comment

I am not a confrontational person, I can usually find a way around very confrontational moments. Maybe the “Minnesota Nice” has grown on me, but I really try to avoid them. But, when it comes to my kids, like most moms, we can usually step out of our comfort zone when needed. Well, today was the day I managed to defy my own odds. We were celebrating Asher’s first birthday with family and friends. It was a beautiful day, sunny with a light breeze, perfect for our playground/splash pad party. We arrived early to set everything up. By the end of the party, the kids were having a blast and the parents were relaxing and enjoying conversation. At one point the kids came to us upset because another child on the playground was squirting them in the face with a squirt gun. At point blank range. So, our initial response was to tell them to tell the child not to do that. Ask him nicely to stop, if he doesn’t then come back and get us. Kids will be kids right? I do realize, my kids aren’t perfect. Honestly, it’s usually me having to tell them to take it easy, watch out for little kids, quit running. You get the picture. Besides, who knows if they were playing back as kids tend to do? But really, who brings a water gun to a splash pad? Isn’t there enough water anyway? Continue reading →

The First Year of Medical School- From the Wife’s Perspective

~ Kara Mills ~ 3 Comments

Well, it’s finally over! The first year of med school is behind us! I do say “us” because, although hubs had to suffer through crazy hours, studying, and terminology that I think he may never use again, life was crazy for me. Life with a full time job and 3 kids is crazy as it is, throw in med school and that’s just complete chaos- on a good day. I’m not complaining, I’m just keeping it real. Either way, it’s behind us. So, one year down, three more to go until we can call him Dr. Hubs. Similar to my post about applying to med school, I thought it would be good to recap the first year. There were a number of things that I observed as the spouse of a first year med student, that I’m sure friends and family may have noticed as well. Here are a few that are worth noting.

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Weeks In Review: From Puking to #DistractinglySexy

~ Kara Mills ~ Leave a comment

In the true spirit of “memoirs”, here are a few that have happened recently. I feel like the adventures that happen daily as a (working) mom can be exhausting when happening all in the same day. Clearly God had mercy on me and all of these things happened over the course of 2 weeks, which I suppose makes it more bearable. Maybe we’re just lucky, or maybe this is normal for you too?? I’m interested to hear…. Continue reading →

For Moms (and Dads) of Boys

~ Kara Mills ~ 6 Comments

We know a bit about raising boys. I mean, at least until they’re in elementary school. We haven’t made it to the teenage years (which I hear is way easier than having a teenage girl), but I feel like there are a number of items that we have on our list of things we need to teach them. I am fortunate because my mother-in-law taught hubs well, so when we first started dating, I really didn’t face a lot of the things mentioned below. I’ve just heard about them from friends and co-workers over the years. Sometimes they’re complaining, other times they’re just stating a fact, like they know that’s how it’s always going to be. It made me realize that there are some things I need to make sure they are taught. Hopefully that will give me a shot at a healthier relationship with my daughter-in-laws someday. Well, as healthy as that relationship can be I suppose. Continue reading →

Acute Rhinitis, and Other Words- Sign #2 That You Live With a Med Student

~ Kara Mills ~ Leave a comment

It occurred to me recently that, in an effort to support hubs, my vocabulary was changing. I try my darnedest to understand what the heck he’s talking about, using words with more letters in them I thought possible in the English language. I mean, really, who sat around and decided some of these names? Myocardial infarction (heart attack), acute rhinitis (runny nose), emesis (vomiting). Why not just say she’s barfing her guts out? Or he has a snot face? I suppose that’s not really professional, but who has the time (or brain capacity) to learn all of the “alternative” words for our common daily ailments? I do try hard to at least kind of know what he’s saying. Sometimes my space cadet expression gives him the hint to elaborate on whatever he’s said. Other times when he’s wandering around the house talking about a lecture he heard or a study he read and starts sputtering off some random words, I actually understand him! In fact, a couple of times I’ve even surprised him by knowing a few things (thank you Grey’s Anatomy!). When I tell him that I learned it from TV he rolls his eyes, which makes it even better.

I do have to be careful though. Sometimes I say a technical word outside of the house and I’m sure I sound like an obnoxious know-it-all. Which is not my intent, it kind of comes out before I can catch myself. Be assured that I am NOT interested in becoming a medical doctor. At all. I just am trying to support hubs learning all of these crazy words so he can sound like a doctor. Well, and be one too.

So, in the last several months, we’ve had our fair share of different illnesses with the kids. The common cold, puking, diarrhea, fevers, you name it, I swear we’ve had it. I struggle when I take the kids into the doctor, how to properly communicate. If I say they’re puking, does that sound too simple? But if I use technical words, does that sound too textbook? Or, my worst fear would be that the doctor would then begin communicating with me in all the doctor lingo that I really don’t understand. It’s like being in a foreign country and knowing about five words. When you use them, locals think you can speak the language and begin a lengthy conversation with you. Before you know it, you’ve sold your kidney on the black market for a mere $7. So, I typically opt for the simpler vocab.

All in all though, based on what hubs says, it doesn’t seem that doctors really expect patients to be able to say the technical words. In fact, there have been a few times when I’m going over my medical history, that I will say that I had a P.E. (pulmonary embolism- blood clot in the lung) and I get the look from the in-take person as if they’re confirming with me if I really know what I’m talking about. Yup, I’m pretty sure I won’t forget that whole experience, thank you very much.

I suppose this whole process might just be another sign (side effect) of living with a med student. I wonder at times, if I learn enough by osmosis, can I get an honorary degree? Seems like a good idea right?

Why I Work- A Soapbox

~ Kara Mills ~ Leave a comment

It’s been crazy busy lately- thus the no posting for almost a month. But, it’s about time I got on my soapbox, so bear with me. I have chosen to work, have a career, whatever you want to call it, for 3 reasons.

1) I’ve often talked about work serving as a creative outlet for me. I love what I do so it’s not just “work”, but also something I enjoy, and that I’m good at.

2) It’s time away from our home routine that allows me to recharge.

3) It’s also the challenge of working through the red tape, politics, and silly little situations that keeps me challenged. It also makes me a little crazy sometimes, but isn’t that part of a good challenge??

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Reevaluating

~ Kara Mills ~ Leave a comment

Lately, I’ve been at an interesting point in my career. I’ve been in my field for over 10 years and am lucky enough to be doing what I love. I would have never, in a million years, thought that I would be working in the restaurant industry, that’s for sure. However, there is still so much more I would like to do. I’m thankful enough that I can also talk openly about my aspirations with my boss and others at my job, so I don’t feel like I’ve hit any type of “ceiling”. The more challenging part is figuring out that work-life balance. Basically, a load of crap if you ask me. When I look at all of the items on our family’s plate, leaning in feels more like falling on my face. With hubs in med school, I’m working full time and then 3 kids all over the place it doesn’t seem possible to do more. That is, if I were on my own. I sometimes discount hubs (sorry babe!).

I was talking with hubs and explaining how I had ideas of a few things I would like to do, but I knew that it would take more time on my end at work. Meaning, we would have to work together on our schedule. Honestly, I had almost expected the response to be maybe I should hold off for a while until he is done and then I’ll focus on my stuff. Instead, he said, “We’ll figure it out. We will plan ahead, accordingly as needed”. And that was that. It was genuine and absolutely final.

If only work life balance were that easy right? Fast forward a couple of weeks and we’re, yet again, battling a bad virus that is spreading through our house, despite my never ending bleaching and cleaning. So, just as I’m thinking that maybe this might be easier than I thought, everyone starts getting sick and hubs has some mandatory school stuff. That means that I am the on-call parent this week, which is the case most weeks with his crazy schedule. It doesn’t seem like balance can be part of the vocabulary at that point. Of course, it’s always a little difficult to see the sunshine through the Lysol haze. After a few moments of deep breathing (away from the fumes of course) I was reminded of what a co-worker had told me. Balance is not always even all the time. It’s a give and take process. Some weeks will be 90% home and 10% work and others will be the opposite. It’s finding the right balance of a percentage, to make both places not fall apart, that makes it a good work-life balance. So, while this week may seem chaotic, the next several could be back to normal and totally manageable. Plus, having a spouse who is a PARTNER in the relationship and who encourages me, makes all the difference in the world.

Empty Threats

~ Kara Mills ~ 1 Comment

You’ve probably heard it before, you’re out at the store and there is a mom who is just about at her limit with her screaming child. She finally blows her top and tells the child that they’re never going have candy again if they don’t stop crying. Next thing you know, the kid is picking out a candy bar while waiting in the checkout line. That kid knows how to work the system. I’m talking about empty threats. Everyone does it some time or another. It might be in the heat of the moment and you say they will never get a toy again in their whole life. Yeah, that is probably not going to happen, but I get it, we all have those moments. I’m talking about continually doing that. It’s about keeping credibility with the kids. They need to know that you will do what you say you will do. Continue reading →