As you know, the last few nights I have been helping hubs out by playing a patient and allowing him to conduct a full physical exam. Well, the hazard of conducting such exams later into the night- after I’ve worked all day, did pick up of the boys, homework, dinner, bedtime, etc…is that I am just about as not normal as you can get. So, at the risk of REALLY embarrassing myself, here are a few items that came up in part 2 of playing doctor.
Procedure: Checking the mouth and jaw
Hubs: “Open your mouth please and the close it and clench your teeth.”
Me: “What’s this for?”
Hubs: “Checking your muscles of mastication.”
Me: “You mean chewing? Like chewing food?”
Me: “Well I CLEARLY do not have a problem with that. I’m pretty sure you didn’t need to check that.”
Procedure: Palpate feet
Hubs: “I now need to palpate your feet.” He begins to palpate (basically massaging my feet). “Looks good.”
Me: “Nope. I’m pretty sure you need to do that some more.” When else am I going to get a good old fashioned foot massage like that??
Procedure: Strength test of the legs
Hubs: “Now I need to check the strength of your legs. Lift your legs against my hand as I push down on your thigh.” We do this process on both legs. “Strong legs.” He was slightly impressed- I think he underestimated me.
Me: “They didn’t call me thunder thighs for nothing!”
Procedure: Position sense
Hubs: “I am now going to move your toes up or down and, without looking, tell me if I’m moving them up or down.” He starts on my big toe and moves to my pinky toe moving them up or down, alternating in no specific pattern. By this time it’s the end of the exam, I’m super tired and all I can think of is “wee wee wee all the way home” as he wiggles my pinky toe.
Me: “Wee wee wee all the way home.” (Laughing).
Hubs: “Yup, I think we’re done. Time for bed.”
Sorry hubs, catch me on a Saturday or before 7pm and I may be a little more coherent. Well unless you want to palpate my feet, we can do that anytime.